


210

by dannihowell (iguessicantry)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-27 17:09:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7626922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iguessicantry/pseuds/dannihowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan is hiding a taboo relationship with a teacher, Phil. The truth eventually comes out alongside tales of deceit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	210

Approaching the stand, Dan is shaking. He doesn’t want to do this. He doesn’t want to testify but the prosecutor and his parents say he must. Dan’s father needs to know that his son is not gay or if he is it is because being gay is a result of abuse or exposure to the already afflicted. Dan’s mother needs to know that her son, her baby boy, can get justice. Without his words, the jury probably will not convict. Without him, they will never get this pedophile off the streets.

But as Dan looks out over the crowd, blue eyes catch his. They are a lighter blue than he is used to. They seem sad like watercolor painted skies. These eyes do not belong to a pedophile, but that is what everyone keeps calling him. They do not know what happened between them. They do not know that Phil never laid an angry hand on him or held him down against his will. His Phil only held him when he cried, the panic and depression overwhelming him sometimes.

While his father consoles his mother for the tenth time that morning, Dan runs his gaze over Phil when the man is not looking. It hurts to know what he has done to Phil. Dan watches the news even though the new therapist says it is probably not the best idea after having experienced such lengthy trauma. Loving Phil Lester is not trauma. It is safety, honesty, and serenity. The news says that Mr. Lester was a ninth-grade English teacher at a private school in the prestigious neighborhood of Kasey Gardens, just outside the city. The news says that seventeen-year-old Daniel Howell was coerced by Mr. Lester into sex acts which are said to have occurred in Mr. Lester’s residence on Columbia Road. The news is wrong, as always.

Dan is sworn in and then it begins. Blue eyes turn silver.

“Now, Daniel,” a woman in a gray suit starts. “Can you tell me you came to know Phil Lester?”

Dan swallows and tries his hardest not to look at him. He looks down at his fingers as if they have the answer written in ink. “He teaches at Jubilee Academy, my school.”

“Did he teach your class?”

Dan shakes his head. “No, he was never my teacher.”

“Then how did you meet?”

“I never liked science so, during my physics period, I would skip class. Phil—,”

“Mr. Lester?” she corrects him.

“Yes, sorry. Mr. Lester let me hide out in his room during his free period so I wouldn’t get in trouble.”

“What happened during this period?”

“Nothing, we just talked.”

“Daniel, please walk us through how you and Mr. Lester became more than just student and teacher.”

“Everything?” Dan asks timidly. His parents are there, looking right at him. He cannot say everything. He won’t.

“Everything, Daniel,” the prosecutor nods.

_Everything…_

****

I had never really noticed him before that day. I was in eleventh grade and he taught ninth grade English. I had no reason to have ever seen him before. I remember thinking how tall he was and how he smiled at me when he realized my panicked face.

I was sat in the hallway, in a little alcove in between the staircase and the wall. Hiding had always been a hobby of mine. I hid away in my own family, within my group of friends if I could call them that and I hid away at school. No one ever really noticed me until he did.

“Shouldn’t you be in class?”

I looked up from my copy of Brave New World and nodded my head. I was supposed to be class, like the rest of the student body.

“You’ll get detention or something if you stay out here in the open like this.”

“Sir?” He confused me, this teacher.

“You can spend this period in my room. I have a free classroom.”

“Really? This isn’t a trick?”

He smiled again then checked his watch. I remember he was wearing a blue collared shirt and dark colored slacks. My mouth had gone dry. “Room 210. I will give refuge to anyone who reads Huxley for fun.” Then he laughed. He laughed and I shall never forget that image, that sound, or that feeling ever in my life. I grabbed my things and followed him to Room 210, like his willing puppy.

That first time, he spent most of his time on his computer or at the board. His name was Mr. Lester. As I said the name for the first time, I let the taste linger on my tongue for just a bit. His classroom was full of books, obviously personal copies that he’d brought from home to share with his students. The covers were tired, the pages were creased for the sake of bookmarks. I wondered what notes he had made in the margins or left in between the pages. Before I got a chance to talk to him, the bell rung and his students started to pour in.

As I left, I looked back at him and he saluted me and smiled.

When I walked out of school with my girlfriend, Lauren, I had asked if she knew him, Mr. Lester. She’d heard of him. He was her sister’s teacher and the entire grade was in love with him apparently. When she asked why I just shrugged and said that he seemed somewhat young to be teaching. She agreed and kissed me goodbye. Her driver had arrived to take her home. It was my turn to take the bus home to my house in the city. I spent the entire hour thinking about him and getting the chance to read his books.

Every day after history, I spent my time with him. He grew to expect me to be there in Room 210. Days after I’d been sick and absent, he’d ask how I was and if I was okay. Please realize, no one ever gave me that kind of attention in my entire life. The sad thing is, it doesn’t seem like much really. Having someone notice when you are not there shouldn’t have sent me into tears. People wonder why I hide.

Lauren and I were never in love. We were living under a label. She chose me out of a group of slim pickings. I did not smell like some of the others nor did she believe masculinity was a necessity. She liked that in a boyfriend. Little did she know, that so did I. We were on two different planets without hope of communication. She lived close by but never walked home. She wore a different uniform every day. Her hair was worth more than my entire family. How could I say no to the beloved princess? Lauren was a bully in every sense of the word and I, Dan Howell, could not say no to her. Every attempt I had made to end the relationship was squashed. I felt indebted and enslaved to her simply because she had more. But when I saw her kissing Jason Fields in the courtyard garden, I said nothing and returned to Room 210.

“My girlfriend’s cheating on me,” I said suddenly. Phil looked up from his grade book and sat back, looking at me thoughtfully.

“How do you know?”

“Saw her kissing this other guy I know.”

Phil’s face dropped. I felt awful for letting such an expression appear on this man’s face. How could I do that to him? I was not hurt at all but he looked devastated for me or for the sake of me.

“I’m so sorry, Dan.”

“It’s okay,” I said with a shy smile, the kind I use when my mom asks if I’ve taken my meds that day.

“No, it isn’t.” Phil sat up straight with a frown on his face I’d never seen before. I couldn’t believe I put it there.

“I’m used to it,” I told him. And I was. I was used to rejection, disappointment and whatever kind of negative emotion you could think of.

“Those are probably the four saddest words I’ve ever heard anyone say,” he told me. “And you don’t speak much. This isn’t okay. Why aren’t you angry or at least a little upset?”

“We were never really dating I guess. Mr. Lester, you don’t have to…”

“What? Care about you?” he asked standing up from his chair. “I’ve spent more time with you this term than I have with anyone else in my life. You’re a great kid and I hope you know that.”

I swore he was lying to me. But then again, he would not lie to me. He wouldn’t. He just wouldn’t. And in the time it took me to take it what Lauren was doing to me and how kind Phil was, I began to panic. I shook with tears fall down my cheeks and my breath stuck in my chest. I couldn’t breathe. Before I knew it, his arms were bringing me into a hug. I laid my head on his shoulder and let him calm me.

A week later he asked me, “What class are you skipping anyway?”

“Physics,” I replied then laughed because he made an expression of disgust.

“Are you sure this will be okay though?” He was drawing a graphic organizer on the board and seemed only stopped to read my face and movements.

“I’m on scholarship. I’m almost certain it won’t be.”

He dropped the marker and turned to look at me. “Dan!”

Dropping my gaze, I turned my attention to my secondhand shoes and then my washer weary school tie.

“Daniel, you didn’t tell me you were on scholarship.” He was pacing the room and almost glaring at me.

“Couldn’t you tell?”

“No. Though I should have. You’re smarter than most of the rich brats who go here. You cannot do this anymore.”

The levy in my chest finally gave way at the thought of not spending this time with him. “I don’t care!” I shouted at him. “School doesn’t matter! None of it matters…”

“What’s this all about?” he asked quietly, resting his hand on my shoulder.

I told him that my world was crashing around me. Everything at home was falling apart. My parents were fighting and struggling to pay the bills. My younger brother and I never could get along. The depression was getting worse, not better. There was nothing I could do to hold everything in place any longer. We were on the verge of collapse. What did school matter?

Mr. Lester told me that his father died when he was fifteen. He felt many of the same things I did. He told me that one way or another, this horrible time would pass and we have to look forward to the good days to come. If he hadn’t, he wouldn’t be here. A world without him was a world I didn’t want to even imagine.

He was right after all. Better days did come.

I saw him one Saturday in a café. He was on his own with a muffin and coffee sat before him. He was checking his phone. I was on my way inside anyway so decided to see if I could sit with him. My heart raced at the thought of having coffee with him, actually being outside with him. I ordered a small coffee and when I turned around to head to his table, a woman was sat across from him. She was beautiful, clearly a professional-type with name-brand clothing, and a perfect white smile. She had said something funny because Mr. Lester couldn’t stop laughing.

She could not have been his wife. He would have mentioned a wife. Maybe she was a girlfriend. I never did know who or what he liked in partners, not that it could ever matter to me.

But it did. Oh God, it did.

I wanted to fade away softly without him seeing me but, as always, he noticed me and waved me over. I could not refuse him.

“Hey, Dan! How are you?”

“Oh, hey Mr. Lester,” I said, just focusing on him.

“Mr. Lester?” the beauty asked with gentle laugh.

Phil blushed and laughed too. “Dan is a student at the Academy.”

“Oh! Sorry, it’s just I have never gotten over the fact that Phil—excuse me—Mr. Lester became a teacher.”

“Dan, this is my friend Erin.” A friend was good. But friend left unanswered questions for me.

“Would you like to join us?” Mr. Lester asked, making space at the table.

Erin was hilarious and Phil—Yes, Phil!—never stopped laughing. I could have spent the rest of my life sitting at that café table with him. Unfortunately, they had tickets to see a show and they left. Phil offered to get me cab before he left but I declined.

The next time I had seen him out of school, it had been raining. I hadn’t been home for little over a day and he found me. I don’t know how he does it but he always saves me.

I told him I couldn’t go home even though I was tired and hungry.

“I hope you won’t hate me,” I told him.

“Never.”

He drove us to his flat where he warmed up a plate of food for me. He let me remain quiet as he moved around the flat. He didn’t ask me anything until I was done eating.

“What’s going on?”

I couldn’t look up at him. I didn’t want to see the light leave his eyes, my halo going dim.  
“M-My dad knows something about me now.”

“How?”

“He read my journal. I keep this dream journal and—uh—he read the last few entries.”

“How bad is it?” Phil asked, sitting down next to me on his sofa. I felt my heart open to him. I didn’t care if he knew that I couldn’t stop dreaming about a guy with dark hair and pink lips, a voice I could wrap myself in, and eyes like the world, blue and green. I didn’t care.

“I’m n-not straight. I don’t know if I am gay but… H-He was waiting when I got home so I ran. Phil, I don’t know what to do.”

“Do you know how he feels about all this?”

I nodded. My parents had always used slurs and protested against gay rights. They didn’t misunderstand their feelings towards those who identified as homosexual; they knew. They knew they hated them. The day I told my family about Lauren, they did everything but throw a party. Apparently, they had been worrying about me. How did they know before I did?

Phil let me lay my head on his chest as he rubbed my arm consolingly like a loved one.

“It’s going to be okay,” he said after a while. “It’s going to okay one way or another.”

“How? They hate me. I have no one else,” I sobbed in his shirt.

He shushed me and I swear I felt him kiss the top of my head, the gesture feeling better than I’d ever imagined. As I calmed down, he led me out of the living room and into a bedroom. I waited as he gathered up some clothes and put them on the bed.

“You’re still soaking wet. I want you to take a warm shower and change. You’re staying here tonight.”

“Okay.”

He showed me to the bathroom and I undressed and showered once he was gone. I stayed under the warm water longer than usual, trying to wash away the terrible feeling of being exposed and disowned.

He knocked on the door and I could hear his muffled voice asking, “Are you alright?”

No, I thought. “Mr. Lester?”

“Yeah, Dan?”

“I forgot to ask for a towel.”

I heard him laugh on the other side of the door and it made me smile. I had forgotten what smiling felt like. I heard him open the door and clear as day heard him say, “Are you really alright?” I reached for the towel he held up to the shower curtain.

“Yes,” I said as I stepped out of the shower with the towel on my hips, my hair dripping wet and a smile on my face. He looked suddenly uncomfortable. He quickly focused on the items on his bathroom counter before turning around to leave.

“Mr. Lester?”

“Dan?”

“You’re acting weird.”

“Am I?”

“Yeah,” I said softly. “Is it because of what I told you?”

Phil shook his head but still avoided eye-contact. “It could never be that, Dan.”

“Mr. Lester? What’s–,”

“God, please call me Phil. I think by now it would be okay to call me Phil.”

“Okay, Phil.”

“We shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be doing this!”

“Doing what?” I asked, truly confused.

His cheeks grew redder as we stood there in the bathroom. The mirrors were still foggy with steam.

“It’s nothing. I didn’t mean anything.”

“Yes, you did. Phil, what aren’t you supposed to be doing?”

“Looking at you this way,” he said, wringing his hands. All at once he looked small and scared. “You’re a student, Dan. I can’t have these feelings for you!”

“And what feelings are those?” My heart was at a runner’s pace and I felt myself grow light-headed at the thought of what might come. Mr. Lester—Phil—might actually felt something for me. The only person who ever really noticed me somehow only saw the best in me or had forgotten the worst.

“Like I want to kiss you,” he said finally, letting out a breath. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. It’s okay if you don’t ever want to–,”

I leaned up at press my lips to his, letting my still damp hands and arms drip on his shirt. He tasted like coffee, which he made when we first came in. It was not electric or explosive. His kiss was warm, comfortable, calming. It was so _him_.

When I pulled back, his eyes were still closed but he smiling. “I wanted to kiss you too,” I said in a voice just barely above a hush. He opened his eyes and met my gaze. His hands came up to my face and he cupped my cheeks lovingly before pressing his lips to mine once more. Now, that was electric.

In some way, we end up in the hallway and then the living room. I fell on top of him. We were still kissing as Phil pulled down his track pants. He moved me so I was sitting in his lap. My towel was long gone and I could not care less. We were moving too fast for me to keep up. He knew exactly where to touch, kiss and suck. Phil went for my neck as he laid me down on the sofa.

“Baby,” he said. I remember how it’d taken me by surprise. “Baby, have you ever gone this far?”

Still trying to catch my breath, I shook my head and bit my lip in apprehension. Would he still want me?

“Do you want this? Tell the truth.”

“I do. I want this.”

His smiled down at me before leaning down for another kiss. His hands moved down my body as mine did the same to his. He took my cock in his hand, sweeping at the precum that had made its way onto my lower stomach. I swore I’d never breathe again because he was touching me, kissing me, loving me all over. Making a trail of kisses down my chest and then my stomach, his mouth settled on the head of my dick. He took me in without a glance upwards and bucked into the feeling. Then he went deeper, taking me further into his mouth and cried out for him or for god, I’m sure I don’t know. Phil did something with his tongue and I felt that old familiar feeling ignite in my stomach. That feeling of upcoming relief from beautiful pain. My grip in his dark hair grew tighter so he came off, chuckling at me and my reaction to all he was doing.

“Don’t laugh at me.” I knew I was pouting and that made him chuckle even more.

“You acted like you aren’t ready to come.”

I rolled my eyes, bucked up into his body and whined. “I wasn’t.”

Phil’s eyes when wide for second before he smirked and kissed me again. I reached down for the hem of his shirt to pull it off. He gave in and let me undress him the rest of the way. His pale chest drew me in. I went silent and stared in awe of him, Phil. I brought my hands to his shoulders then moved them down his chest to his half hard cock.

“Big,” I said to no one in particular, just making an observation. I hadn’t expected that.

“Yeah? I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”

Phil went into the other room and returned with a bottle of something clear and a string of condoms. I felt him push my legs apart so I drew in a shallow breath. He said, “This is going to feel weird.”

A cold wet finger came to my entrance and breached me, pushing into me without much force. Phil was gentle, as I’d always imagined him. Soon there were two fingers and then three. I took slow careful breaths and followed his directions to relax and let him in.

We made love that night for the first time. It didn’t hurt. Nothing Phil did ever hurt.

****

“Daniel, are you saying that Mr. Lester initiated your sexual relationship?”’

“He did but—But I wanted him to. I wanted it, I swear.” Dan starts to cry at the look on his family’s face. They might hate him but, in Dan’s eyes, Phil is no criminal. He’s the man who loves him.

“Please just answer with a yes or no.”

“Sorry.”

“How long did your relationship last?”

“What do you mean?” Dan asks, playing with his fingers.

“How long ago was that first sexual encounter?”

“About four months.”

“In that four months was Philip Lester still employed at Jubilee Academy, your former high school?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you.”

After Dan steps down, he rejoins his family. His father does not look at him and his mother takes his hand into her own. The next witness takes the stand. Dan calls her _beauty_ in his head. Erin.

“Ms. Mitchell, describe your relationship to Phil Lester.”

“Friend… with benefits.”

“Please elaborate.”

****

Phil always meant more to me than any other man. For as long as I’d known him, he’d always been so thoughtful and smart and just all around great to be with. When we started sleeping together, we always made it a rule that it was just sex and nothing more. It soon became clear that with Phil, ‘just sex’, wouldn’t work. He was my best friend but something kept him from pursuing a deeper relationship with me. I didn’t understand just what that was until that day.

Phil had been ignoring my messages and calls so I went to his flat. He was home alone. Phil let me in when I said I wanted to talk. In the corner of my eye, I saw something. It was green and blue in a plaid pattern. I recognized it as the tie for Jubilee. Only students wore them.

And I asked him, “Whose tie is this?”

He stammered and his cheeks went red. Phil had never been a good liar. He looked down at his feet and rubbed the back of his neck. God, he was such a bad liar. I could see it coming before he even opened his mouth.

“I found it.”

“Why would you bring it home?”

“I…Uh… Brought it home accidentally. It was in my bag.”

“Why did you put it in your bag, Phil?”

“Look, why do you care?!” he shouted. “If you have something to say, say it.”

“Why have you stopped taking my calls?”

“I’ve been busy,” he said with clenched teeth.

“Too busy for me?”

“Erin, it’s the end of term. I’m exhausted.”

He sat down on his sofa and threw the tie out of eyesight. I joined him and took his hand, just anything for his contact. “I miss you,” I told him.

He sighed and smiled. “I miss you too.”

“Yeah? I didn’t think so.”

Phil’s entire demeanor changed and the tension lifted from the room. Before I knew it, we were on the floor and we were having sex. Suddenly he stopped and looked up. The door opened and there was Dan.

I thought he was going to cry.

****

“Ms. Mitchell, do you believe Philip Lester maintained a sexual relationship with Daniel Howell.”

“Yes.”

“Why would you say so?”

“It had been Dan’s tie in Phil’s flat. Dan had a complete breakdown when he caught us. Those were tears of heartbreak.”

Phil’s attorney quickly dismisses her testimony as hearsay and speculation. The jury has already heard her so it does not matter. Lauren James is sworn in next.

“Miss James, describe your relationship with Daniel Howell.”

“He’s my boyfriend.”

“Do you know Mr. Lester?

“Yeah, he teaches my younger sister.”

“How would you describe Mr. Lester’s relationship with his students?”

“Good. Everyone loves him. Especially the girls.”

“Was there any reason for you to believe Mr. Lester was a predator?”

“No,” she says shaking her head. “Nothing at all. Everybody else was surprised when we heard about this.”

“But you weren’t?”

“No… Well, of course, I already knew.”

“How?”

She bites her lips and looks up at the judge. “I can’t say.”

“You have to or you’ll be held in contempt.”

Dan can tells she’s fidgeting. Lauren finally says, “Dan told me what happened.”

*****

I spotted Dan sitting on a bench across the road. Something looked off about him. Usually, he was very passive, the kind to just sit and think if you let him. He wiped his face a few times and it became clear that he was crying so I went over to talk to him.

“Lauren, leave me alone,” he said when he looked up at me.

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“No one can know! I promised.”

Dan was rocking back and forth and pulling on the sleeves of his hoodie. Something was very wrong so I promised him I wouldn’t tell.

“You know you can trust me,” I said. It meant something to him because that’s when he said, “Mr. Lester makes me have sex with him.”

My heart stopped, mouth hanging open. We sat on that bench for a while and I tried to calm him down and encourage him to go to the police but Dan refused. He made me promise I wouldn’t tell.

But, I went home and made a call.

*****

“Miss James, were you the person who called in the tip about Mr. Lester abusing his students?”

“Yes, I was.”

“Why did you make that call when Mr. Howell explicitly told you not to?”

“Dan doesn’t deserve to be raped and that’s what he told me Mr. Lester was doing to him. I believe him because Dan doesn’t lie. He never has.”

“At the time were you aware of the fact that the same day you accused Mr. Lester of sexual abuse, Mr. Lester and Ms. Mitchell were caught having sex by Mr. Howell?”

Lauren shakes her head. “No, I didn’t.”

“Are you aware that Mr. Howell was in a consensual relationship with Mr. Lester and must have been distraught after having caught his lover in the arms of another person?”

“No! But, I trusted Dan to tell me the truth. I didn’t think he’d do this.”

That is because everyone walks over Dan. Everyone treats him like a child and believes that he is incapable of anger or rage. Little Dan Howell never does anything.

Phil’s attorney smirks and holds up a file. He states, “Under the law, the age of consent is sixteen. Mr. Howell was seventeen at the start of the relationship. Mr. Howell also promises, under threat of perjury, that he and Mr. Lester did have a consensual relationship. Mr. Lester was never his teacher or in a position of power. He is being charged under false pretenses. My client, Philip Lester, is guilty of nothing but breaking hearts. You can't lock a man up for that, can you?”

“We can try,” the judge quips.

—-

Later that year, Dan returns to the classroom, Room 210. The desks are all rearranged and some of the posters are new. He finds his old copy of Brave New World on the bookshelf. He’s almost certain it’s his just by the accidental crease on the front cover that he made with his backpack. But he checks the inside for his name just to be sure. A note falls out onto the floor. When Dan picks it up, he reads:

_I’m sorry._

_–Phil_

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr  
> [dannihowell](https://danni-howell.tumblr.com/)


End file.
